Biopsies and lawyer jokes
I have angels

I have breast cancer

So now I'm a statistic.  And it's not early either.  It's the invasive, fast-growing kind.  I guess everyone but me was wrong.  I was extraordinarily composed when the nurse called, because I have been preparing for this for three weeks.  Next week is the surgery consult, then the mastectomy, then the chemotherapy.  Maybe I'll get to try out a wig with straight hair.  We won't know survival rates until maybe the end of next week.  No one knows how far this cancer has spread or what kind of lymph node involvement there is, just that it's in my breast tissue, not just the lump.  It would be really nice just to chop off the breast, have some chemo and call it a day, but not so much if it's spread.  For everyone asking what they can do, the answer right now is not to leave me alone.  I'm very positive and upbeat when I'm with other people.  Not so much when I'm alone.

The nurse asked me if I had questions.  These are my questions:  How do I go on like this? Why can't the world stop until I'm better? How will this affect my kids? How do I tell Zachary? If I make jokes about it, does that mean I'm a bad person? How do I sleep at night? (Well, actually, they gave me a prescription, so that's taken care of) Will I be there for Bailey's first day of school? How will I afford the medical bills? How will I afford to take time off work? How do I stop thinking about this? Will I ever be happy again? Why can't my children have a healthy mom?

My friend Shannon said that it's a minute by minute challenge to survive emotionally right now.  So that's what I'm doing.  I'm taking it minute by minute.  Some minutes are good, and some minutes are bad.  But at least I'm here.

I have two choices: Let it beat me down, or step up and fight for my survival.  So there really is no choice, is there?

Comments

Steph

Okay. I won't leave you alone. Done! You have an email and a voicemail message from me already. And, no, there is no choice. You WILL beat this. And you will will not be alone. I promise. Call me if you feel up to it. I'm here. And tell Zach that we're sending him pics. And give them both hugs from us.

tia

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((stef)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Lisa Truesdell

the troops are rallied, girly.. let us know when to roll in. seriously. i love you.

heather (boobugbear)

fight. fight. fight. and if you make jokes about it, I'll laugh. ;-) I love you, sweetie. I was so hoping this was not the news you would hear. Please know that I will not leave you alone, either. You will get through this...with all of us standing right next to you. ((hugs)) and **kisses**

Amanda

major hugs coming your way!!!

Miley

I am so there for you. You can do this Stef. If anyone is strong enough to get through it..you are. You can. you can. Plus..you can do a card now based on the experience. (my lame attempt at humor)

Please let me know...whenever whatever I can do...I am standing troop side with Lisa...:)

miley johnson

ps...love you.

becky

so sorry to hear this stef. man i was hoping you would get good news. i'm here and i'll do whatever you need-love ya.

holly k

i love you too! lots of hugs and prayers on the way!!!

Becca

Another Bagel checking in--troops are rallied. Let us know when to march in!

Love you much.

xoxo.

Steph

I love you more than anyone else. (my lame attempt at humor :p) We all love you!!!

tia

so, am i a bagel-by-marriage?
:grin:
i'm at the ready, too! i just changed into a pink shirt. :) i'm not going anywhere!

tia

ps
you are not a statistic;
YOU ARE CURLY BRACKET GIRL!
(snicker)
my jokes are so bad, they may just be funny ;D

Shannon (e-scrapper)

{{{stef}}}.. :) ..my mom dealt with this a few times.. of course it's not going to be easy, but you'll get through it! I'm not on the boards so much anymore---but if you ever need to talk to someone who's sorta been there before, I'm here for you.. :)

jennifer mcguire

you are in my prayers! stay strong.

Sharyn (Torm)

You are not a bad person if you make jokes about it. Our very dear friend and mother to 11 children had breast cancer, and that's how everyone kept sane - they stayed in the real, kwim? You will laugh, you will cry, you will question, you will be angry, you will be sad, content, frustrated and tired. And we'll be there right along with you.
hugs!!!!!

Mary Rogers

Stef,
I sent you an email, but I wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you. I am not good at making up jokes, not even lame ones, so I won't even try....

I am here for you too and love bagels...

((((((hugs))))))

Mary

Laura Kurz

My thoughts are with you, Stef.

janet o

Oh Stef...damn it. I so hoped that was not what I was going to read today.

NO MATTER WHAT...we are here for you and we love you and we will support you.

CRAP. Hugs and love and thoughts.

Steph

See, and here you thought only a couple of us read your blog. :D

Sherry

words just seem so lame at a time like this... dammit the 1800 mile distance between us! I cannot begin to tell you how much I'll be thinking about you and as much as you are probably gonna hate it... I AM going to be AROUND!
S~

wendy

girl, there are easier ways to lose weight than to lop off body parts.

doris

so keeping you in my thoughts and prayers stef . . . fight fight FIGHT! (((hugs)))

Sarah Vrolyk

I don't even know you ... but I am praying for you. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

Susie

Hoping that it's no further than the breast tissue; you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

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